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Ulqui Schiffer
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Kuro Usagi
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Alfonze Alger
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ruu chi
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Sayoppe
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Comments "run and revenge"

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Sayoppe
ruu chi
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Pandora Hearts :: Jack's Library :: Author Room

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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:19 pm

Ah.. silahka kritik disini.. kalo mo kasih saran juga nga masalah.. Comments "run and revenge" 617856

Huuf... omake pertama buatan ruu pasti ga bagus kan..? Comments "run and revenge" 712674

Mo bilang omakenya jelek juga takpapa... huuf... Comments "run and revenge" 886743

Ditunggu ya kritik dan sarannya Comments "run and revenge" 833389
ruu chi
ruu chi
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Post by Sayoppe Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:44 pm

yaap
udah bagus kok xD

memang ada kata kata yang agak ga pas =))
tapi itu wajar karna ini kan omake yang pertama ruu buat xD

jadi LANJUTKAN yaa xD
pasti lebih bagus chapter berikutnya =3
Sayoppe
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:46 pm

ah~
arigato sayo~ pasti akan lebih bagus chapter berikutnya~
lalu, Anda yang pertama comment disini~
Selamat~ *sambil tepok tangan*
ruu chi
ruu chi
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Post by Alfonze Alger Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:13 pm

ah!

ide ceritanya sih bagus, saya suka...ledakan bomnya, sampai ending chapternya yg menurut saya sih keren..xD

saya mau ngomentarin penulisannya aja..

itu, paragrafnya kalau bisa sih di rapihin, biar yang bacanya enak..=D

paragraf sama dialog kalau bisa di pisah

selebihnya sudah bagus

dan, LANJUTKAN!Comments "run and revenge" 55949Comments "run and revenge" 55949
Alfonze Alger
Alfonze Alger
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:15 pm

Ho.. begitu ya...
okeh lah!
=3
arigato kritik dan saranya buat semuanya =3
ruu chi
ruu chi
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Post by suzurin Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:38 pm

Ri, riya ...?? *bengong*
*nunjuk diri sendiri*
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:40 pm

e.. eh?
Riya?
Emang riya siapa?
suzu Riya? *nga ngerti*
ruu chi
ruu chi
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Post by suzurin Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:45 pm

na,nama asli suzu .... =="

yaaah meski bukan riya penulisan nya ..

di real suka di panggil ria ... =w="
suzurin
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:51 pm

^
oh begitu ya.. ==
Ruu ga ada maksud bawa2 suzu kok di cerita itu...
ruu chi
ruu chi
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Post by suzurin Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:53 pm

hhahahaha
suzu cuma kaget aja kok ! XD

btw , tragis juga ya cerita nya ..
Itu masih bersambung ruu ?
suzurin
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:54 pm

iya~
ceritanya ruu buat lumaya tragis~
masih bersambung :D
Cuma 2 Chapter sih... Jadi abis ini kayaknya tamat :D
ruu chi
ruu chi
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Post by suzurin Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:57 pm

Oh ya ?
bagus bagus ...

LANJUTKAN ! *jari membentuk segitiga biru*
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Post by Fuschia.A.T.Ellenoire Thu Sep 17, 2009 4:17 pm

*mangap cengo pingsan*

na-nak ruuvkarya ini KEREN! Comments "run and revenge" 55949 mizu suka cara pembawaannya

wuahhh lanjutkan!
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 4:39 pm

Uwah arigato semuanya! Comments "run and revenge" 616509

Terimakasih sekali atas commentnya~ Comments "run and revenge" 991196

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Post by Ulqui Schiffer Thu Sep 17, 2009 4:58 pm

Mwahahhaahah
Tak disangka orang ini bisa bikin omake juga *ditabok*

Hnggg.... Ceritanya sih bagus
Tapi....

Masih soal penulisan juga *ditabok*
Ada kata-kata yang kurang pas~
Terus... Ini sudut pandang orang ketiga kan?
Kok ada sudut pandang orang pertamanya juga ya?
<-- Ato dia salah liad *digebuk* XD
Ulqui Schiffer
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 5:03 pm

Awakakakakak XDD
Maklum lah pai XDD
Baru pertama kali bikin XDD
Itu pun bikinnya jem 2 pagi XDDD
ruu chi
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Post by Ulqui Schiffer Thu Sep 17, 2009 5:11 pm

Buseeeeett....
Jam 2 pagi *Tepar*
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Post by ruu chi Thu Sep 17, 2009 5:18 pm

Awahahahah XDD
Abis selain jem 2 pagi w sibuk~
Sibuk OL dan CFC... BWAAHAHAHAHA XDD
ruu chi
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