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Fanlisting

Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Alfonze Alger on Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:54 am

ooooh...*angguk2*

kelemahannya ada gak?''a

Ducan?? ditulis di historynya juga nggak pi??

hn...terserah aja sih, tapi untuk tambahan ditulis juga...ducan juga kan member deindery...head-nya harus jelas tau member2nya...

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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Oza hoshikami on Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:56 am

menurut oya sih udah bagus..... *tuh kan gak mutu banget*

dan yang mau saia comment udah dijelaskan dari pertanyaan2 diatas

heheh *gak mutu*
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Ceil De Soir on Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:57 am

GLEK?! = w =
*edit lagi*

Bentar ya pi, saya edit dulu

Oooh....iya iya pi - w -
Saya tulis dulu anggota deinderynya

@oya: aia - w -
Oya keserobot si papi komennye
wekekekekek~ XD

Ok deh....
SUDAH SAYA EDIT LAGI!!! XD
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Earl Oz Vessalius on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:09 am

Tolong ubah kalimat ini "ayahnya tertusuk di bagian jantungnya dan meninggal dalam sesaat" menjadi "... meninggal seketika".

\"jalan\"-nya
Slash... eh... garis miringnya dihilangkan saja, kenapa? Ada masalah?

Ummm... setelah baca kejadiannya... agak maksa, ya? Sebenarnya bukan kekuatan besar yang menjadikannya seorang kepala keluarga. Akan lebih baik kalau yang diniliai adalah bagaimana caranya mengatasi situasi macam itu. Kekuatan itu biasanya nomor dua yang dilihat.
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Ceil De Soir on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:10 am

Slash... eh... garis miringnya dihilangkan saja, kenapa? Ada masalah?

Hah?! O.o
Saya kepencet - w - *ditabok*

Hmm...ok ok...
memang sedikit maksa...
<< kehabisan ide
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Earl Oz Vessalius on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:19 am

Yah saya sudah memberi petunjuk di post saya sebelumnya. Hmm, perhatikan juga history yang telah Anda buat sendiri. Kaitkan saja dengan segala jenis pelajaran yang sudah Al pelajari sejak kecil, sehingga terlihat betul dia menerapkan ajaran guru-gurunya. Itu pelajaran untuk menjadi seorang Kepala Keluarga, kan? =3 Lupa?

Lalu, hubungkan juga dengan kelebihan Al. Oh, sekalian menambahi, tolong tambahkan kelebihan Al lepas dari ilmu sihirnya. Misalnya kemampuan berfikir logis atau kemampuan untuk tetap bersikap tenang di tengah situasi kalut atau apalah, terserah Anda. Ini sangat dibutuhkan oleh seorang Kepala Keluarga, kan?

Peristiwa besarnya saya serahkan pada imajinasi Anda.

Kuncinya hanya pada menghubungkan tiap point yang telah Anda tulis. Sebagai contoh, silakan lihat thread milik Philip sekali lagi.
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Alfonze Alger on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:23 am

wah...

untuk selanjutnya saya serahkan ke sora-sen deh...

eh iya...

itu dihistorynya kok Reisvoust terlihat jahat ya...wkwk...ganti saja sama Novadion...

baca di sini :

Keluarga Reisvoust memiliki hubungan yang baik dengan keuarga Einverd dan berusaha menjaga hubungan yang baik juga pada setiap keluarga.

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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Ceil De Soir on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:24 am

S-sudah saya edit lagi

Tepar....

Sudah saya hubungkan semuanya - w -
S-silahkan d-d-d-di...p-p-periksa

@ papi:

i-i-iya pi....
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Alfonze Alger on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:26 am

sabarlah, tsu...

soalnya ini jadi head of great duke house, jadi maklum aja kalau banyak yang harus di edit...

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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Ceil De Soir on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:27 am

I-i-iya pi - w -

Memang sih....
Saya juga nekat nih bikin jadi head segala *digorok*

Wekekekekekek~

Mumpung papi OL lah XD
siapa tau bisa langsung di app nanti *plak! buak!*
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Earl Oz Vessalius on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:34 am



Ada typo:
... kemana-mana karena baginy
Kurang huruf "a".
Walau begitu, dibalik sikapnya yang selalu kaku itu, ia merasa keepian
"dibalik" tolong diubah jadi "di balik". Lalu "keepian" itu tambahi "s". Di kalimat berikutnya juga huruf "E" jangan kapital.

[quote]14.Personality : Serius , pemikir, kaku dan selalu mentaati peraturan. Paling tidak suka pada orang yang tidak menaati peraturan. Selalu bersikap formal kecuali pada teman terdekatnya.[/auote]
Ini bisa lebih dijelaskan jadi seperti ini, kan?
"sebenarnya al adalah anak yang ceria dan polos, namun semenjak ia diangkat menjadi kepala keluarga, ia berubah menjadi serius , pemikir, kaku dan selalu mentaati peraturan. Paling tidak suka pada orang yang tidak menaati peraturan. Selalu bersikap formal kecuali pada teman terdekatnya."

Kalau itu sudah beres, bagi saya cukup.
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Ceil De Soir on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:40 am

Keyboard saya memang rada ngaco karena dipake untuk lomba ngetik klo CFC-an = w = *plak!*
GOmenasai...

Nah...sudah dibetulin semua....tinggal anda periksa kembali master - w -
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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Alfonze Alger on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:57 am

hm...

APPROVED

kasian saya sama tsu...:p...wkwkwk

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Re: Alleil Von Deindery - Head of Great Duke House / Legal Contractor

Post by Ceil De Soir on Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:58 am

Aih...
Makasih papi~
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